A compassionate female martial arts instructor tries to help a mysterious new girl in town.
Awards
Approved
Summary
2 Reviews |
31 pages |
1 year ago
|
Draft 1
Jane, a female martial arts instructor, is asked by her detective buddy, Det. Mike Wilkerson, to take MARY, a mysterious new girl in town, under her wing after Mary is hospitalized for an unsuccessful suicide attempt. Mary complies, solely to get released from the hospital, and is initially resistant to Jane's training. However, when Jane rescues Mary from an attempted sexual assault by beating the snot out of her four drunken attackers, Mary begins to accept that Jane is the real deal, both as a martial artist and as a friend.
Bare Hands, Bare Feet has a clear, marketable hook. You have a great handle on tone and a very strong central character. To elevate this, focus on giving Mary more active agency and refining the fight choreography to be more than just a series of repetitive beatings. When the action is meaningful and the characters are given space to grow beyond their archetypes, this script will be very strong.
I was surprised as I read that this was only a half hour pilot. It feels more like a drama. I think I would add more backstory about Jane and Mary to make it 40 plus pages. I'm not sure how this works, I never did Script Mother before, not sure if each section needs to be 150 or more words, it's so much harder to help someone with a pilot because I don't know your intentions for the series.
I wouldn't waste my time reading out other episodes....
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